I Hate Conference Calls

You hate them? I hate them more.

The New Economy — More or less conference calls?

I’m in a bit of a pickle.  I am scared because our economy is no doubt retracting, and I think that I need to try to retain what few clients don’t hate me.  Therefore, I feel like I need have a better attitude, and therefore I’m going to try, in the New Year, to not  get out of as many conference calls.

Starting the year anew, here I am, on a call.  Listening in so I can try to spread my good attitude through the world by remaining positive.

Got on the call on schedule, got the message “the moderator has not yet joined the conference.”  Nice!  OK, let’s sit on hold with music!

When the call started, the automated attendant asked us each to say our names.  By the time the client/moderator had joined the call, our virtual stewardess had cued up all of the names of the people on hold.  As we were all welcomed into the womb of the call itself, the automated voiced  announced “John Smith has joined the conference!  Jane Smith has joined the conference!  Mike Smith has joined the conference!”  It would pause, only for a second, between each announcement.  No one knew if she was done or not, so people would start to speak, only to be run down by “Harry Jones has joined the conference!” It was like being announced to the king.  Except not at all like that.

Finally, when the 15 announcements were over, the our client asks”OK, who’s on the call?”  This is not starting well.

I really am doing my best.  Mentally I have to remember:

  • They aren’t doing this call because they hate me specifically but rather…
  • They are doing the call because they hate humanity, and this small amount of suffering that we all share will bring us together as humans.
  • By suffering through the call I become more human.

I’ve discovered that my new phone, the Uniden EXI 8560 does not have a mute button.  Disaster!!!!

I’ve flipped my headset back over my head and am trying not to scream out loud in pain.


  • Wowo says:

    It’s a grammatical thing — “fewer” conference calls . . . “less” conference call sauce.

  • rubken says:

    I don’t think it has anything to do with you (though paranoia is always a sensible default position). This is all about box ticking, 15 folks on a con-call aren’t going to accomplish anything, but someone can say they did something useful today and possibly even believe it.

    The phone with no mute button is a cruel thing. I don’t think I could cope without mute. I love mute. I only wish I could apply it remotely to others on calls with me.

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